Well, that was a pretty OK Raw wasn’t it? Apart from the lame opener – which I’ll touch on in a minute – it was largely unoffensive (unless you’re AJ Lee, which I refuse to touch on because it angers me)! We got a more fully-formed WrestleMania card, we got the match that we all wanted, plus a whole lot more than that and we got some great matches in between. So let’s get back onto the Road to WrestleMania!
Hulk Hogan and John Cena share a ring – the space time continuum tears!
Ghost of Wrestling Past, meet ghost of Wrestling Present….and Future!
We all knew this was coming didn’t we? Hulk Hogan being back in the WWE meant that we would have to endure them sharing a microphone and a ring at some point. It wasn’t terrible by any means, but it wasn’t anything to write home about. There were far too many mentions of the man known as Jack, and you can tell that Cena both admires Hogan for all he’s done and is somewhat ashamed of him for all of his extra curricular activities and his non-WWE stuff.
Luckily Bray Wyatt came down to put an end to Hogan and Cena patting each other on the back, but this actually ended up angering me more because of one thing – John Cena!
Bray Wyatt as a character is one of the most fleshed out and original that we have seen in years. Going up against the top guy in the company should be a big deal, and to an extent it is, but whoever goes up against Cena is inevitably going to get run down for their appearance and the way they talk because that’s Cena’s go-to move, so tonight was Bray Wyatt’s turn to be run down.
And Cena went straight to the obvious well. “You look like a homeless person”, “You have a fedora and a Hawaiian shirt, lol”. It was awful. It devalues Bray as a character and a performer because all the kids listen to Cena. Please don’t do all this work to build up Bray Wyatt as a monster with a cult following, and then just feed him to Cena as if it were nothing.
If Bray accepts Cena’s challenge (which we all know he will), please have him beat Cena clean in front of the massive New Orleans crowd. If you do that, then you can call him all the names in the world and it won’t matter a damn.
New Age Encephalitis
I really hate you, you know?
Those who know me, and any regular readers of Raw Revisited know that I am not a fan of old guys coming back and taking spots from worthy competitiors.
The New Age Outlaws are prime examples of this. Triple H’s buddies came back and started fighting for the tag titles. They took them from the Rhodes Brothers (one of which is an older guy coming back, but in this case, it’s worthwhile since Goldust is so awesome!) and while they were champions, The Prime Time Players broke up, and The Shield were on the precipice of disbanding.
That might make it seem like there needs to be more tag-teams in the division in order to increase competition, but let’s take a look at the tag-teams in the division at the moment:
- Ryback and Curtis Axel
- 3MB (Ugh)
- Los Matadores (Double Ugh)
- Erick Rowan and Luke Harper (who are just flunkies for Bray)
- The Shield (breaking up soon)
- Rhodes Brothers (not going to last for much longer, should have already broken up for a match at Mania)
- The Uso’s (The only REAL long lasting team in the division)
But the solution to make the division better is not to bring in a washed up tag-team made up of a trainer and a road agent for WWE. It lies in NXT. You have The Acsension down there looking for challengers for their NXT Tag-Team Championships. Let two randomers form a team down there take the titles and bring these guys up to join the division.
When the Outlaws lost the titles and it was then announced that the rematch would happen on Main Event, I was hopeful that creative and Triple H had learned a lesson. A lesson that bringing in your elderly friends to carry a division is not a good idea *cough* Batista *cough*.
But I gave them too much credit. Nope, the Outlaws did not have their rematch, they were “sick”. So this means we’re on a collision course to a rematch of some form at WrestleMania, which means the Outlaws will be taking 2 spots at WrestleMania that should go to newer guys who are clawing and scratching all year for a shot at a place on the card.
Fuck the Outlaws, fuck Triple H and fuck the idea that new guys don’t deserve, to quote JR, “to maximise their minutes” at quite possibly the biggest PPV of all-time.
Big E: A Pawn In A Bishops Game
We The Person!
If people like John Cena, Batista and Randy Orton are the kings of WWE (to labour the chess metaphor a bit further), then people like Jack Swagger and Cesaro are the bishops and knights.
For the last couple of weeks, Big E has been used to further the growing tension between Swagger and Cesaro. If this doesn’t culminate in a 3-way for the Intercontinental Championship at Mania, this will be a waste of Big E’s talent. And going by the announcement from Big E that he will be in the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal (set up by Hulk Hogan earlier in the show), this seems less and less likely.
In saying that though, it’s a 30-man battle royal and with roster depth being such a prevelant issue at the moment, I can see a lot of guys pulling double duty on the night!
Zeb, as always, was great. He continues to stand out as a great manager. Sometimes it’s hard to pick a favourite between Paul Heyman and Zeb because they are both at the top of their game.
Heyman vs Undertaker
Rest In Purple!
Having Heyman as a consistent part of the show is one of the smartest moves WWE has made in the past couple of years. Given Brock Lesnar’s limited dates, he’s the perfect person to inject heat into whatever feud Lesnar is a part of, and when he was running buddies with CM Punk, he was used super effectively to get Punk even more over as a heel than he already was.
The part that Heyman played here was pure genius. He played the ultra-scared manager who cowered in fear of The Undertaker’s presence, but still managed to turn it around so that he was super confident in Brock Lesnar’s ability and his fear translated to telling The Undertaker that it would be in his best interest to not show up.
Undertaker didn’t say much here, but he didn’t have to. He’s got such a presence that he just oozes cool at every turn. The little he did say, had Heyman shaking in his shoes, making this an effective segment!
Rhodes To The Future
So sorry…didn’t see you there!
Now that’s what I’m talking about. This was a great, great match! It’s such a shame that we don’t see the Rhodes brothers on Raw as much anymore. They’re so great when they’re given an opportunity to shine. I don’t know if they did something to piss off someone backstage or if it’s because Road Dogg didn’t catch Cody when he came off the cage a few weeks ago (old fucker!), but it’s been too long!
This match had everything, near falls, high flying, back and forth, Dean Ambrose being crazy and Seth Rollins being Seth Rollins. A definite A+ in a sea of mediocrity.
Lets Ask LL Cool J And Chris O’Donnell About Something
Where are we? Where are our pay-offs?
So NCIS: LA is now on USA, so Sheamus plugs ahead! These kinds of things are always cringey, but LL Cool J saying he would bring Undertaker over to his show because he “drops thunder on fakers” may be the worst thing ever. It was so awkward. Nice job trying to say the crowd was hot when it was deader than most of the extras on The Walking Dead!
#YESMovement
Where’s Beardo?
Daniel Bryan continues to head down the path of CM Punk. And by that I don’t mean he’s getting annoyed and leaving. He’s taking lemons and making a frickin lemonade empire.
I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it, a match with Triple H (as cautionary as it may seem) makes so much more sense for Daniel Bryan than it ever did for Punk. This is a story that is 7 – 8 months in the making, a story that has never seen a conclusion or a satisfying pay-off. This is what is being built here.
Yes, I am as sceptical as the next HHHater and it’s entirely possible (and all too probable) that HHH will beat Daniel Bryan at Mania. But in order for this story to pay-off in a satisfying manner, Daniel Bryan has to knee Triple H in the face in the middle of a ring in New Orleans for the 1-2-3. That is the only acceptable outcome here. Nothing else will do. But enough scepticism, let’s move onto the awesome.
I don’t think anyone expected what happened here. It was one of those moments you just couldn’t telegraph unless maybe you were in the audience.
For those unaware, Daniel Bryan decided to occupy Raw. This was a genius move, obviously done to mock the failed “hijack Raw” attempt from last week which was in a word, pathetic. It served a bunch of purposes as well:
- Made Daniel Bryan look like more of a man of the people than ever before
- Made Triple H and Stephanie look like ultra heels and the crowd really let them have it!
- Created a moment that is sure to rank up there with the Stone Cold beer truck (or at least the Kurt Angle milk truck)
- The match between Triple H and Daniel Bryan is now official
- Damien Sandow got 40 seconds of screen time!
It all worked. And I’m not forgetting the most important thing to come out of this either. Just to emphasise how great it is, I’m going to write it in all capitals – IF DANIEL BRYAN BEATS TRIPLE H AT WRESTLEMANIA, HE GETS INSERTED INTO THE TITLE MATCH LATER THAT NIGHT!
We all wanted it. We all had a feeling it was going to happen. It was the best option after Batista’s failed comeback. It also makes it seem like there’s no way Daniel Bryan can lose to Triple H now, but never say never when it comes to H.
Also, bonus points to Stephanie who completely lost her shit and impressed the hell out of me. She also made this GIF possible (kudos to @WrasslorMonkey for this)
This was all just so great, and so uplifting for Daniel Bryan fans (and fans in general) that I’m going to ignore the fact that Batista is still 99% guaranteed to walk away with the title, since its probably in his contract…
Sheamus vs Christian: Now With Instruments
Bad Dum Tish!
…The Brogue Kick through the drum was pretty cool I guess?
The Suuuppeeerr Atthheelleeettee
Schwing!
This was the same as last week, but I would just like to point out that Lana is very, very attractive. And she can make a great heel mouthpiece for this monster.
I watch NXT regularly, so I can tell you that Alexander Rusev is indeed a super athlete. The things he can do, especially when you consider his size, are amazing. He’s not Antonio Cesaro, he’s not Brock Lesnar, but he’s better than Ryback at least! IF, and thats a big IF, we’re building stars for the future, then we’re going to need people like Alexander Rusev around to balance the roster.
3 Men And A Big Show
Go home Batista, you’re drunk!
The tag-team main-event took on a whole new dynamic because of earlier events. When I saw the graphic at the top of the show, I thought it was simply done to exploit the popularity of Daniel Bryan to add something to the boring one-on-one match we were getting at WrestleMania.
Oh, and Big Show was there too, because, well I don’t know why, probably because they didn’t have anyone else. Truth be told, he didn’t add a whole lot to this match other than getting beat down by Orton and Batista.
This night was thoroughly owned by Daniel Bryan.
From occupying Raw, to getting the better of both of his potential title match opponents, he owned every minute of it. He didn’t even need Big Show really. This was a big win for him and while I would have liked to see him pin Batista in the middle of the ring, a win’s a win and Bryan now has a ton of momentum heading into WrestleMania.
With 3 weeks left to go, let’s hope that Triple H’s ego doesn’t get the better of him and he tries to derail that momentum as only Triple H can do.
And that’s gonna do it for me for this week. Raw Revisited will be off the web for a couple of weeks in favour of some WrestleMania centric articles where I will take a look at the Daniel Bryan vs Triple H match. This all kicks off next week with:
Join me next week to talk about the long(ish) history leading up to this match and be sure to share this article on Facebook and Twitter!
Check out the latest MFX Podcast Raw edition this week for some extra value laughs from the guys over at MFX too!
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