Who doesn’t love the Royal Rumble? Idiots, that’s who. The Rumble match has everything you could want as a wrestling fan: excitement, unpredictability (sometimes), mass collective counting and people doing everything they can to keep their feet off the floor, in what could be mistaken for one of the most elaborate and high stakes games of ‘lava floor’ ever invented.
Oh come, you must have played ‘lava floor’ when you were a kid. Remember, the floor is made of lava and the only way to get around the room is to clamber all over the furniture and make sure your feet don’t touch the floor. No? You people haven’t lived.
Anyway, back on topic. We all know winning the Royal Rumble can be huge for a wrestler’s career. The winner goes down in WWE folklore and is celebrated for years to come as one of only a select few top WWE stars who can call themselves a Royal Rumble winner.
Unless that wrestler’s name is Chris Benoit, who for the record was never even in the Rumble match, certainly didn’t win it and who was, in fact, just a figment of your imagination…
With the Rumble taking place this Sunday, now is as good a time as any to cobble together something Royal Rumble related. If you’re thinking this looks suspiciously like a blatant attempt to leech off the interest that people have in the show, you’re right.
I call this ‘the Cena method,’ whereby you attach yourself to someone more popular or interesting than you, in an attempt to gain attention and acceptance from the fans of that more popular person. I also have nothing else to write about this week. So the Royal Rumble it is.
Here’s an interesting fact – did you know the Royal Rumble match was a concept created by Pat Patterson, who got the idea from the old Roy Shire owned territory in California, where Patterson was a top star during the 60s and 70s? Well now you do.
The match in Shire’s promotion was an annual over the top rope Battle Royal, where the winner would win a trophy and a massive cheque. For years the match would always draw one of the biggest crowds of the year and was the blue print for Patterson when the first Royal Rumble match was held in the WWE in 1988.
Patterson’s genius move was to tweak the Shire format to bring even greater excitement and unpredictability to the match. Instead of all thirty men starting the match in the ring at the same time, Patterson came up with the concept of two men starting the match and then at regular intervals a new competitor would join the match.
This staggered entry and ‘random’ drawing of numbers is what gives the Royal Rumble match the special feel it has become famous for. There’s always a buzz in the crowd as each new entrant joins the fray and the match is able to build over sixty minutes, with peaks of excitement throughout, which only adds to the atmosphere and spectacle of the match.
The genius of the Royal Rumble match is in its simplicity. The fact that WWE haven’t messed with the concept or execution too much for over 25 years is nothing short of a miracle.
In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a massive fan of the Royal Rumble. I have been since the very first Royal Rumble I saw, which would have been the 1991 event when I was ten years old. That Rumble match was won by Hulk Hogan (who else) to help set up his memorable and extremely tasteless Wrestlemania VII main event against the Iraqi sympathiser Sgt Slaughter.
Unlike some other Royal Rumble related ramblings you might read this week, I’m not going to go back over all the Royal Rumble matches and talk about them. Just like rock and roll attained perfection in 1976, so the Royal Rumble attained perfection in 1992.
You should know the story of the 1992 Royal Rumble. If you don’t, shame on you, and here’s a quick recap: Ric Flair entered at number three, put on the greatest Royal Rumble match performance of all time, won the match and the WWF Title in the most memorable moment of Flair’s first run in McMahon Land.
Although there have been other great winners, performers and Rumble matches since 1992, Flair’s performance will always remain the most memorable and entertaining Rumble match that I’ve ever seen. To this day I regularly watch the match on You Tube and the famed post-match promo by Flair (“with a tear in my eye, this is the greatest moment of my life”) remains one of the most effective and believable promos ever on a WWE show.
It’s not just the winners that stand out. The Rumble match itself has, over the years, provided the most exciting and unpredictable 60 minutes of in-ring action of the year in WWE. The anticipation to see who is going to come through the curtain next is always high. Add to that the general excitement of seeing everyone in the company fighting for one shot at the World Title, on the biggest stage of them all, results in a red hot atmosphere and a feeling that the road to Wrestlemania has truly started.
It’s not all perfect though. I don’t know if it’s down to a general malaise of cynicism, or because I’m much more aware of those complaining than those praising, but there appears to be a feeling that the last few Royal Rumble matches haven’t hit the highs of the past. If that’s down to a lack of star power in the company, poorly booked Rumble matches, or just the usual effect of nostalgia is up for debate.
I think the nostalgia factor plays a big part in this. Everything you remember as a wide eyed youth is better than stuff today, even though the only reason it appears better in the past is because you were experiencing it for the first time and with none of the built in cynicism of your later years.
Despite the detractors, the Rumble match is still one of the most highly anticipated matches of the year. I’ll defend it to the hilt because when it’s done right, the Rumble match is like nothing else WWE do throughout the year.
I don’t care how smart you think you are about wrestling or how many ‘insider’ terms you use (by the way, using those phrases only makes you appear like more of a mark), if you can’t ease up on the cynicism and just enjoy the Rumble match for what it is, then you really should go find a new hobby.
Don’t get me wrong, if the show and match are shit, I’ll be as vocal as the rest of you when it comes to lodging my ultimately pointless complaints. But I’m not going to prejudge anything just because, “WWE sucks man, it’s all about Cena” or whatever other boring bullshit people are saying these days. The Rumble match still means something to me (damn it) and I’ll reserve judgement until I’ve actually watched it. So should you.
In recent years the excitement around the Rumble has been less to do with who might win the match and more focused on who the surprise entrants might be. Last year the whole sorry spoiler saga reached ridiculous levels. It was bad enough that nearly every wrestling ‘news’ website was trying to ‘out spoil’ the other, but the reactions of fans to these spoilers was amazing.
The main bone of contention with these fans (marks who believe every stupid rumour they read online) was that the rumoured surprise entrants weren’t up to the star level they expected. I saw plenty of them say they weren’t going to watch the show if, “the best WWE can come up with is Carlito as a surprise.”
Think about that for a second, these mouth-breathers were claiming they weren’t going to watch the show, because the rumoured surprise entrants weren’t good enough for them.
In the end none of the wrestlers who the ‘news’ sites claimed to be returning at the Rumble actually did. So once all was said and done, everyone looked like a dick – the ‘news’ sites for making up shit and the marks on Twitter for believing them.
Still, it wouldn’t be wrestling without someone complaining bitterly about something. This year most of the griping has been about the return of Batista, who will make his return to the ring after a four year absence during the Rumble match and is one of the favourites to win the whole thing.
Personally I’m pleased to see Batista back. He brings a level of star power to WWE that very few wrestlers do. Whether or not he can work a match as well as CM Punk or Daniel Bryan is irrelevant, that’s not what Batista is about. His charisma has always carried him far further than his actual in-ring talent. Well, charisma, a huge amount of roids and being best buddies with HHH, but let’s not split hairs. The dude is a superstar whether you like it or not.
If he wins the Royal Rumble it will no doubt send a smark-tsunami crashing across Twitter for a few hours after the show. I don’t see the big problem; mainly because I don’t believe he will actually win the match. And even if he does, is it really THAT bad? Sure he’s 45 years old and wheezes like an old hoover when simply walking down the ramp, but is he really that bad a choice as a winner? There are far worse options to win the Rumble than Batista. Imagine if Del Rio won it again…yuck.
What’s great is, even if people disagree about who will win or more importantly to them, who should win, the Rumble match fuels debate and interest between fans. So many people, myself included, complain that WWE is boring and predictable these days. I know from speaking to a lot of fans online that no one is really sure who is going to the Rumble this year. That’s got to be a good thing, right?
So who could win the Rumble match this year? If he’s in the match (and I’m not sure after watching RAW that he is) then Daniel Bryan would have to be the bookies favourite. Then there’s the CM Punk factor. Batista will be there or there about at the end. One of the members of The Shield (Roman Reigns) should have a deep run. If Bray Wyatt is in the match WWE could use it to continue his push to the top. And then there’s the potential of a surprise return winner.
What I’m trying to get over to you is there’s a lot more to look forward to in the Rumble match than there is to complain about. So don’t be an idiot, don’t complain about the Rumble before they’ve even announced who drew number two. Don’t bitch about the surprise entrants before they’ve even made their surprise entrance.
Give WWE a chance to get the road to Wrestlemania off to the right start. Give them a chance to give us the most unpredictable, important, entertaining and hopefully memorable hour of wrestling of the year.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve only got a few days to prepare myself for the first big mark out moments of the year. If you’d like to follow my Rumble match love affair, why not follow me on Twitter which is @MFXDuckman. Ok, there’s plenty of reasons not to follow me, but I’d appreciate if you did.
Or even better, let me and Sir Ian Trumps deep inside your ears twice a week on the MFX Podcast. MFX is a NSFW, suitably smarktastic, highly entertaining and practically life changing podcast on TNA and WWE. Ok, it’s not life changing but it is a great listen. The TNA show goes up at the start of the week, with the RAW show following on Wednesday or Thursday. You can find the show here or by going to www.mfxpodcast.com where you can access all our previous shows.
As always, thanks for listening and I hope you guys mark out for the Royal Rumble match just as ridiculously as I will. Thanks for continuing to support SLTD and all the great people here.
Until next time…
Peace
Duckman
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