It’s time to GO EXTREME. Well, as extreme as WWE PG programing will take us. Tonight a lot of interesting stuff will go down. Daniel Bryan will take on Kane for the WWE title, The Shield and Evolution face off in a six man tag, and most importantly of all…there will be a WEE L C MATCH occurring here tonight. Amazing, I know. So damn hyped for tonight’s card. And we get to open the show with the match we’ve all tuned into the WWE Network to see, so let’s get to it!
El Torito vs. Hornswoggle in a WEELC MATCH
There is a mini referee, mini announce team and mini announcer. You know Vince McMahon is reveling in this. He has an odd fascination with little people for decades. Torito starts off with a headscissors and a senton on the outside taking out all of 3MB. Hornswoggle gets the advantage and gets a mini ladder. Hornswoggle tries to climb, but he’s afraid of heights! Torito encourages him, then misses a splash. He counters with a powerbomb, however, as we go to commercial.
Hornswoggle hits something resembling a rolling thunder on a chair then clears the little announcer’s table then hits a splash onto Torito. 3MB try to gang up on Torito, but an errant chairshot sends Slater into a table as well as McIntyre and Mahal gets put through ladders and tables. Torito hits Hornswoggle with the mini chair then hits a senton on Hornswoggle through the mini table for the pinfall.
This was pretty fun. ***
Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro vs. Jack Swagger in a Triple Threat Elimination match
I think this is the WWE version of a three way dance they used to do back in ECW. Paul Heyman gets a mic and talks about extreme things, how WWE gets it right only once a year. Heyman wants everyone to get together here in this synagogue of hardcore because…his client Brock Lesnar beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Don’t forget that, kids. They have a pretty solid match. Cesaro does the swing on Swagger but RVD hits a spinning heel kick to thwart him. Swagger grabs RVD from the top rope and slams him down, going for a patriot lock but Cesaro stops it. RVD hits a frog splash and eliminates Swagger.
Cesaro controls RVD early with a German and some brawling on the outside but RVD jumps him and hits his spinning kick on the barricade deal. He hits the rolling thunder and takes out a trash can but RVD gets dropkicked into it by Cesaro. Cesaro takes him to the ring but RVD throws the trash can to Cesaro and kicks him in the face. He goes for the frog splash, but Cesaro rolls out of the way, causing RVD to crash into the trash can. He hits the neutraliser on the trash can and that’s it.
Solid match. ***1/4
Daniel Bryan is being checked on when Stephanie arrives. Stephanie talks about how she looks after the health of the superstars. She’s concerned about what Kane will do to Bryan. She suggests vacating the WWE title and not competing. Daniel Bryan says get out of my face, I’m walking away the WWE champion. She says that Daniel Bryan won’t be walking away as champion, but as Kane’s bitch.
Lana comes out to introduce the next squash match. She dedicates this next match to her idol, Vladimir Putin.
Alexander Rusev vs. R-Truth and Xavier Woods
Yeah, this was a complete squash. Rusev dominated almost all the match and won with the accolade on R-Truth.
Nothing of note. *
Evolution promo. Triple H says people might say we don’t have egos, but we do. He lists their accomplishments. They promise victory tonight. They do the Shield pose after.
Bad News Barrett vs. Big E for the Intercontinental Championship
Barrett has some BAD NEWS for New Jersey. A virus had made landfall in the United States and soon everyone will get sick with a debilitating disease. But it’s nothing compared to what Big E will experience tonight. Barrett controls the match early on but Big E hits him with a belly to belly. This crowd is totally behind Barrett, by the way. Big E hits a spear through the ropes into Wade who both fall to the floor. Barrett fights back with the winds of change and wasteland, but only two for each. Big splash from Big E, then pulls down the ropes for the big ending. Dodges the moves and goes for the bull hammer elbow, but Big E dodges it only to get hit with it anyway for the three count. Bad News Barrett is the Intercontinental champion, and judging by how quickly pushes die whenever someone gets the title, that’s bad news for him.
Pretty good, solid bout. ***
Evolution vs. The Shield
Shield jumps Evolution before the bell and send them all out reeling. Rollins takes hold of Triple H early, but soon gets cut off after a clothesline and soon all of Evolution are working over him. Rollins eventually kicks Orton and tags in Ambrose who runs wild. Ambrose locks in a figure four on Orton. Reigns goes to spear Triple H into the steps but he stands aside, allowing Reigns to get hit. They go back to isolating Ambrose. After a long period of getting worked over Ambrose finally tags in Reigns who goes crazy on everyone in sight. Batista is laid out and they go for the triple powerbomb and get it but Orton and HHH pull him out. RKO and pedigree are applied to Reigns but both members of the Shield make saves and take out Orton and HHH. HHH, Orton, Ambrose and Rollins end up brawling in the crowd. HHH and Orton isolate Ambrose after they throw him down some stairs, but Rollins then launches off with a dive off the stands into Orton and Triple H. Back in the ring, Batista hits a spinebuster and goes for the Batista bomb, but Reigns counters with the superman punch then follows with the spear for the pinfall.
An awesome match that lived up to expectations and then some. ****1/2
Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena in a Steel Cage
Crowd is completely behind Bray Wyatt, obviously. Back and forth but when Cena tries to escape the Wyatt family is there to stop him. Wyatts interfere through the cage with Rowan ramming into Cena who is on the ropes. Bray tries to escape through the door but no such luck. Lots of attempts to escape the cage but both get thwarted each time. Cena started to do his comeback to boos. Wyatt climbs the cage but Cena powerbombs him for a nearfall.
Cena tries to escape the cage through the door, but Rowan stops him from opening the door. Cena then tries to force the door open and nearly does but Wyatt jumps him and slams him down to the ground. Wyatt misses a big splash and Cena tries to climb out, but Rowan lifts him back into the cage. He gets the STF in but Wyatt makes a break for the cage. After a tug of war Bray is pulled back in. Another cage escape attempt but no dice. Top rope AA but Harper interferes. Eventually Cena manages to rid himself of all three Wyatts and is about to exit the cage when suddenly, the screen goes black. When it appears, a young child is seen singing the song in a distorted voice. This allows Wyatt to get back up and hit the Sister Abigail and escape the cage for the victory.
This storyline isn’t that good at all. The story is supposed to be Cena wanted a cage match so the Wyatts wouldn’t interfere, then every other spot in this match had the Wyatts interfering. Otherwise, this was a solid cage match. ***
Paige vs. Tamina for the Divas title
The champion controls early, but Tamina knocks Paige off the top rope to the floor after a kick. Paige tries a hurricanrana, but Tamina slams her into the barricade. Tamina lifts her to the top rope, but Paige counters with a powerbomb for…2? 3? 2. That looked botched. Tamina hits a tilt a whirl slam but another kickout. Tamina signals for a superkick but Paige with a takedown and hits the scorpion cross lock for the submission.
Not much, but solid enough. **1/2
Bray Wyatt promo. The kids name is Little Johnny, who soon trends worldwide. That’s weird. He puts a goat mask on the kid. The announcers said this was how Wyatt was spreading his message.
Daniel Bryan vs. Kane for the WWE World Heavyweight title
Bryan jumps Kane before he even makes his way to the ring. Kane gets the advantage quickly, however, and starts taking care of Bryan, including body slamming him into the barricade. Hope spot with a kendo stick by Bryan, but nope. Sidewalk slam on the chair followed by a chokeslam attempt but he gets drop toeholded (that’s a word, right?) into a chair. Kane tries to set up one dastardly attack after another, but Bryan powers out of all of them including an attempted tombstone onto the steps. They fight into the backstage area. Kane dominates but Bryan fights back with a shovel. They fight on top of car. Bryan ends up getting back body dropped into a car.
Apparently this is not a falls count anywhere match despite the referee being right there and this being an extreme rules match, so using a forklift Daniel Bryan drives Kane back to ringside. Bryan follows it with a headbutt, but Kane still kicks out after all of that. Bryan goes for the running knee strike, but Kane grabs him and chokeslams him for two. Tombstone attempt on a steel chair, but Bryan avoids it and counters with a DDT for a nearfall. Bryan clobbers Kane with steel chair shots and he follows with the yes lock. Kane squirms, finds a kendo stick and starts attacking Bryan with it but Bryan finds a way to keep it going. Kane grabs the ropes and exits the ring, but when Bryan follows with a dive he grabs Bryan and chokeslams him through the table.
Kane brings out another table…then takes out some gasoline and a lighter. Yes, he’s going to light a table on fire. He does just that and goes to chokeslam Bryan, but Bryan counters and uses the ropes to push Kane into the flaming table. Kane in a panic flies around the outside and manages to get back into the ring to eat a knee strike and get pinned.
Great match with some fun use of weapons and some FIRE. ****
After the match Kane gets up, burns visible, and puts on his pyro. The announcers push it like as if Daniel Bryan just barely survived. Umm, he pinned him clean. I don’t know how this justifies continuing the feud, but whatever. The show goes off the air with Kane’s music playing.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a pretty damn great PPV. Nothing was bad and the Shield/Evolution match was awesome. I wasn’t expecting much out of the main event but it exceeded by expectations by pulling out all the stops and having a great brawl. The steel cage match was fine, but the storyline surrounding it made no sense. The main event storyline wasn’t that great either with the announcers mentioning how Daniel Bryan’s title win was a miracle and he was lucky to leave with the title tonight. This is being said despite the fact he won clean twice at Wrestlemania and won clean here tonight. That’s baffling more than anything. That’s the story going forward here, though. Not much makes sense in the WWE Universe, but at least everyone can go out there and have a solid to great match.
Recent Comments