The first Raw of 2014. A new year, a fresh start and a chance to make new stars. So how does WWE start the year? Spending 2/3 of its 3-hour broadcast focusing on legends. This should come as a surprise to literally no-one. It wasn’t bad, but it definitely isn’t the best way to start off the year in my opinion.
Ric “I Need Money For My Ex-Wives” Flair Rolls Into Raw
Ric Flair opened up Raw, styling and profiling as only an almost 65 year old man can…badly! He doesn’t have the same flair (badambam…tish) that he used to and that was never more apparent than tonight. But he was just a pawn in the ongoing boring feud between Randy Orton and John Cena. One thing I did like about this segment is the adherence to continuity by mentioning that Ric Flair and Triple H took Orton under their wing back in the day and how they saw something special in him. Its these little things that make Raw more watchable even in its darkest, most abysmal moments.
There was a typical Randy Orton promo, followed by a John Cena interruption and promo that I won’t describe because it has happened so many times, it will just sound like a broken record at this point.
Grade: E (Nothing special or good here, off to a bad start in 2014)
Speaking Of Dumb Ass Ideas
Whether he was in a tag team with Kane, fighting John Cena, fighting Randy Orton and The Authority, or feuding with The Wyatt Family, Daniel Bryan was the best superstar of 2013. The crowd loved him, and it wasn’t forced, like it is with a lot of superstars (I’m looking at you Ryback). It was organic, self-made over-ness.
So what do you do when you have the biggest, most natural face of the WWE in the last 15 years? You make him join a group of bearded bad guys of course. That’s the most obvious solution.
Sure, he could be in the title match at the Royal Rumble. Sure, he could be in the Royal Rumble match and win it. Sure, he could feud with Bray Wyatt for another month and then enter the Elimination Chamber, all leading towards challenging the Undertaker’s streak at WrestleMania – which is a very real possibility either way).
But what do I know? I just want the product to be good, watchable and entertaining for people. I want the guys who deserve to win and be successful, to be successful. I want consistency and compelling storylines. Unfortuately, I only get that 10% of the time, if at all!
Yes, Daniel Bryan has the same look as the Wyatt clan, but that’s where the similarities end. I have a sneaky suspicion that since this idea to have him join them is Vince McMahon’s, that the beard thing was the excuse he needed to pull the trigger on it. I’m not a fan of that.
Initially, I believed that Bryan would use the Wyatts to help him win the Royal Rumble and get his main-event spot at WrestleMania, but with Batista returning and entering the Rumble, it’s now painfully obvious that he will win it. That’s not part of the 10% I mentioned earlier.
The 6-man match itself was nothing special. I was hoping that Bryan would be conflicted about being in the match against people he likes, but instead he just went right to it and acted like he was a full-on bad guy all of a sudden.
Last week, at the end of Raw, he looked as if he was having mixed feelings about joining the Wyatts and he showed signs of hesitating, but this week, he fully embraced it.
I hope that the crowd reactions that Bryan continues to get make Vince and his gaggle of flying retarded monkeys in creative realise that this was a bad idea, have him turn on the Wyatts and go back to the way things were. I’d prefer the status quo to what’s happening right now.
Grade: F (Just bad all around)
Ryback said stuff on commentary, no-one cared
Well, that was awkward. Ryback should never be allowed on commentary again. Ever. In fact, never let him speak again. His poor attempts at humour and insults were met with shocking indifference and silence on the part of Michael Cole and JBL.
Oh and in other news, Big E squashed Curtis Axel again while Ryback was talking.
Grade: Meh
Dean Ambrose and Roddy Piper Face-To-Face: The IWC Explodes
This was probably a dream for a lot of wrestling fans. People have compared Dean Ambrose to Roddy Piper in his prime, which is a big compliment whatever way you look at it. This GIF was probably the ultimate in wrestling fan service!
The segment was good and Piper was oddly great tonight – which is only odd because the last time there was a Piper’s Pit, it was a complete disaster!
Of course, The Shield’s gonna Shield, so they eventually threatened Piper which brought out Punk and….the New Age Outlaws?? What? Continuity obviously left early tonight.
For those who don’t get where I’m coming from, let me “break it down” for you (see what I did there?). The New Age Outlaws are a part of D-Generation X, of which Triple H is a founding member. Hence, the NAO are friends with Triple H. Triple H is clearly behind all the attacks on Punk because of Punk’s comments towards him. So it makes no sense that they would be coming out with Punk to help him out in any fashion. Blergh.
Grade:
Pipers Pit: B (Great segment)
Continuity: F (Why? Just why?)
Alberto Del Rio vs Sin Cara and the feud that no-one cares about
Alberto Del Rio made his return – having been shelved with a concussion – to defeat Sin Cara. Sin Cara still wins the best-of-3 series and Del Rio still looks insignificant, even with his pathetic attempt to threaten Batista, saying that he’ll eliminate him. Expect ADR to be thrown out by Batista late in the match.
Grade: D (Nothing special)
What Are They Doing With The Brotherhood?
Cody Rhodes and Goldust were red hot in October. Fast forward 3 months and they’re just having throwaway matches with various tag-teams. There’s no real feud or storyline there. As for this match, pitting them against the Real Americans, it was awesome, as you’d expect with the calibre of performers in the ring…and Jack Swagger.
In saying that though, the sooner Goldust turns on Cody to cost them the belts and start working towards their inevitable WrestleMania match, the better!
Grade: B (Great match)
Brock Lesnar hates big people (and by association, himself!)
I’m starting to get the feeling that Brock Lesnar has a big man problem. The only issue here is that Brock is a big man himself, so that means he hates himself too, right?
Anyway, I don’t think Mark Henry or Big Show should be facing Brock. They’re not top guys in that upper echelon and I don’t think they’re capable of getting a good match out of Brock at all! I would’ve picked someone like Sheamus before Big Show or Mark Henry, but alas, all signs are pointing to a Brock vs Big Show match at the Royal Rumble.
All I’m thinking is – been there, done that. This match already happened at Survivor Series in 2002, then again at Royal Rumble in 2003, and then AGAIN at Judgement Day in 2003. That’s over a decade ago.
This isn’t a big money match, like Punk vs Lesnar, or even *shudder* Triple H vs Lesnar. It just isn’t. Seems to me like it’s a waste of one of Brock’s very limited PPV appearances.
W-O-R-M
It’s always sad to see people you liked as a kid/teen later in life. It makes you feel old. Well, it makes me feel old. And seeing Too Cool on Raw made me feel super old!
In saying that, they looked to be in great shape (not Rikishi obviously) and were still more than capable of going in the ring, if only for a few minutes. And we got to see the worm, which is always a bit of a mark-out moment for me!
Grade: D (Good enough match)
Build A Star Workshop
This was the first Raw of 2014 and remember what I said earlier about building new stars? Well, from the looks of it, this match was designed to be the start of the rise of Roman Reigns.
I’ll admit that I wasn’t a huge fan of Reigns at the start. He seemed to be all muscle with no personality, but he’s slowly grown as a character – and as a performer – to the point where he looks like he’s ready to break out on his own.
Pinning Punk made Reigns look strong, but the distraction from Ambrose protected Punk a bit too.
The match itself was actually very good. Reigns played the big man wearing down Punk’s ribs and dominating the majority of the match, and Punk played his role as underdog to perfection. He rallied back and probably would have gotten a win if it wasn’t for Ambrose getting involved.
His distraction allowed Reigns to hit a monstrous spear and, with Punk’s injured ribs, he was unable to kick out. It was great storytelling and it made Reigns look like a beast.
You’re about to read me being rational and irrational!
Reigns has the look that WWE likes so that is why he is being pushed heavily now – that was me being rational – but it really shouldn’t come at the expense of talents like Ambrose and Rollins – and there’s the irrational side. They’re prime athletes who deserve a main-event spot just as much as, if not more than, Reigns does.
I fear that Reigns’ push will force Ambrose and Rollins into mid-card obscurity, where they’ll probably never recover. Just ask Dolph Ziggler.
The post-match part is what most people will be talking about though…
Snake Me Out
So, this was surprising eh? I don’t think anyone expected this to happen, especially given how openly negative Jake Roberts has been about WWE and Vince McMahon over the past few months. But God, did he look great or what? I mean, DDP Yoga has really saved this man’s life! Here’s the proof:
It makes me happy to see someone turn their life around like Jake has, and I applaud DDP for working to help people like Jake and Scott Hall get to a place where they’re happier, healthier and, in a lot of cases, sober!
The only thing that bothered me was the snake in the bag. That kind of crap was acceptable in the 80’s, but in 2014? PETA will probably be calling WWE and fining them all kinds of money for that!
And let’s not forget about “poor” Dean Ambrose (as people are calling him). Look, the guy got to square off against Roddy Piper and Jake Roberts in the same ring on the same night. He’s doing just fine! If you don’t believe me, just look at his face!
That’s gonna do it for this week’s Raw Revisited.
Tune in next week for (probably) anger and mediocrity, and the week after that for the underwhelming return of “The Animal” Batista!
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