Welcome to the latest edition of our WrestleMania Rewind series, written by yours truly, exclusively for everyone here at SLTD Wrestling. The aim of WrestleMania Rewind was to review every WrestleMania in roughly 2,000 words. Click here to read the series so far.
This time around, we’ve arrived at WrestleMania 30. It took place on April 6th, 2014 when 75,000 fans crammed in to the Silverdome in Nawlins. Shit. Sorry. The Superdome. Imagine getting the name of the venue wrong?!?! It’s quite a short card, just the 7 matches this time around.
Guess what? The big red and yellow albatross made his way from TNA all the way up to WWE to “host” the show.
That’s right folks. Dun dun dun dun dunnun unnun… It’s come crashing down and it hurts inside. Hogan’s in charge!
We had a 3-man commentary team – Jerry Lawler, JBL and Michael Cole – to take care of proceedings, so I’ll shut up and get on with the review!
A talking segment – Brother Snake Champ
Having just said I won’t cover talking segments, I had to bring this up. As the host, Hogan comes out to start the show. The dome is bathed in red and yellow and in fairness, the crowd is going bananas for Hogan.
We get the usual shtick “well let me tell you somethin’ brrrotherrr…” etc, but then, the great big moron calls the Superdome the Silverdome. Not once. But twice. What an absolute penis. He tries to cover it by saying he was thinking of the time he slammed the Giant. Not like he’s ever mentioned it is it?
Anyhoo, before Hogan starts making inappropriate comments about Hurricane Katrina, there’s some commotion. When you hear the glass, it’s your ass. Yes indeedy folks, here comes everyone’s favourite bald-headed, beer-drinking, beardy wrestling personality, (no…not Tybo) Stone Cold Steve Austin! The crowd explodes.
When he gets to the ring though, Hogan makes their staredown weirdly sexual. Almost as if he wants to either kiss him or propose an ill-advised sex tape idea. The crowd are almost overdosing on “Hell Yeah”s and “What?”s.
It’s now time for the house to be well and truly…Rocked. As huge as the pop for Hogan was, and as loud as Austin’s was, the pop for Rock was insanity. Biggest star ever. Anyway, he piles out, we get shtick from all three of them before the beers come out and the segment ends.
Opinion: Ladies and gents, this segment, I shit you not, went on for TWENTY minutes. TWENTY minutes. Of a 4-hour PPV. Think of all the wrestlers on pre-show duty who would’ve killed for even FIVE of those minutes. Ridiculous. WrestleMania isn’t RAW. Keep the promos for there.
Match 1: HHH vs Daniel Bryan
Match stipulation? The winner gets a spot in the main-event, rendering winning the Royal Rumble essentially pointless. Why’s that even still a thing? Anyway…
We’re at 35+ minutes before there’s a referee in sight. The story of the match is HHH working over Bryan’s arm. Bryan gets back in it with a couple of nearfalls from a pair of German suplexes. The finish of the match comes when Bryan avoids a second Pedigree and nails HHH with the running knee to pick up the win. Post-match, HHH beats Bryan down, finishing with a chairshot to Bryan’s injured arm/shoulder.
Opinion: Ah, HHH where he should be at Mania – jerking the curtain. I jest. The match was a good way to kick off the show, and furthered Bryan’s underdog story. For my money though, that story had gone on just a wee bit too long, but at least he’s got to the main-event. Let’s see if the story has a happy ending!
Match 2: The Shield vs New Age Outlaws & Kane
The Shield win what’s really just a squash match with a double triple powerbomb on the New Age Outlaws to pick up the win.
Opinion: It got the Shield on the card, and HHH’s lackeys got a final Mania date. It didn’t have a huge impact but for what it was, it was fine.
Match 3: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
Introduced as a tribute to the late, great man, the winner gets a giant trophy which may or may not be full of chocolate. It isn’t. At least I think not. Someone should find out. I digress…
The final 4 comes down to Alberto del Rrrriiihhoooo, Cesaro, Big Show and Sheamus. Sheamus and ADR eliminate themselves before Cesaro overpowers Show to become the first-ever winner of this match.
Opinion: Standard battle royal stuff. At least by having 3 former World Champions in the last 4 it kind of seemed like WWE took it seriously. Will it be an annual thing? Let’s hope not. Every five years would be fine, if they want it to mean something.
Match 4: John Cena vs Bray Wyatt
The trum-pets sound… The champ is here… vs the great bearded hope. Or so we think.
Wyatt plays mind games to start with that disrupt Cena’s flow and he dominates early on. Cena then explodes into life with a clothesline and gets MEAN! Either that or he needs an epic shit. He looks HANGRY. Or conflicted. Probably conflicted. And that’s the basic psychology of the match.
There’s a couple of cool spots. Cena goes for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle, but shits himself when he sees Spidey Wyatt. Then he goes for a top rope legdrop which is countered into a powerbomb by Wyatt for 2. The Wyatt Family are heavily involved but Cena ends up getting the W by reversing Sister Abigail into an Attitude Adjustment.
Opinion: A very good, solid match. It had something that not a lot of matches have these days – psychology. Wyatt was trying to get Cena to embrace the monster within – to let his frustrations out. And for periods, it looked like it might happen. But never fear kiddies, ladies or grown-ass men who are in the CeNation – your leader and hero refused to give in and came out on top. The right decision? Hmm..that’s up for debate. The story could’ve continued if Cena had given in and lost the match thanks to being in a blind rage but what do I know…
Match 5: Brock Lesnar vs The Undertaker
The Streak. The match itself wasn’t great, to be honest, and that’s partly down to the fact that Taker got pretty fucked up early on, concussed I think. He makes a comeback and there’s plenty back and forth, but… to the shock of the entire “Universe”, Lesnar wins after a THIRD F5. Whhhaaaaaaa?!?!?!
Opinion: Well shit. the. bed. The Streak is over. Dead. Gone. Buried. Nobody saw that coming. Nobody. And if they say they did, they’re lying. In all honesty, if they were ever going to end it, Lesnar was the right guy. He’s the only one on the roster that could handle the pressure of being the guy who ended the Streak.
The way the commentators reacted after the match spoke volumes. It’s as if they believed it would be Taker’s last match. Go back and watch it. Listen to their tone, and what they’re saying. For all intents and purposes, should this have been his last match? Probably. Could it have contributed to Lesnar’s shock win? It’s very likely. A genuinely shocking moment.
Match 6: Divas Title Match – Vickie Guerrero Invitational
So the point of this match is that Vickie was feuding with AJ Lee and wanted her to lose the title. What’s the best way to do that? Have her defend the title in a match with every other Diva, but not battle royal stylee, my friends. Oh no. Bizarrely, this is a one pinfall to a finish match. First one to get a 3-count wins. Bizarre. Anyway, let’s slide it up… here’s AJ (who isn’t hot, she looks about 14 years old).
Strangely, this is the first time the Divas Title has been defended at Mania, according to the commentators. Who knew?! In a word, this match is a complete and utter clusterfuck. It’s messy, disorganised and shambolic. AJ retains by submission after Naomi “taps” to the Black Widow.
Opinion: Sigh… instead of an actual competitive match, we got this. This. Seriously. There were women in there who could’ve put on a great one-on-one match, but that’d be boring right? I said Naomi “tapped” to the Black Widow, but that’s not strictly true. AJ tapped Naomi’s hand on the mat, but the ref couldn’t see her “help” so rang the bell. The champ cheats to screw the heel. Fair play…
Match 7: WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match – Randy Orton (c) vs Batista vs Daniel Bryan
If you’ve read this series right the way through, you’ll know what I’m about to say. It really, REALLY pisses me off in title matches when the champion comes out first. The champion is supposed to be the best. He’s supposed to make the challenger wait. So what happens here? Orton’s out first and stands there like a bitch waiting for big Dave and wee Danny to come out. Really grinds my gears that does!!
In case you didn’t know who was winning, both Randall and big Dave had their “I’m jobbing” faces on. In a surprising move of continuity in WWE, they pick up where HHH left off, by targeting Bryan’s injured arm! WTF? OMG? LOL!
You won’t be shocked to know that before long, HHH and Chyna 2.0 get involved. There’s a tease of D-Bry not finishing the match, but much like Cena earlier, he overcomes the odds to win the title by making big Dave tap to the Yes Lock!!!
Opinion: What a moment for D-Bry. Arguably the most popular WWE superstar in recent memory who the company didn’t want us to like, beats HHH, Batista and Orton in the same night. Daniel Bryan beat Evolution on his own. Evolution is a mystery you know? It’s full of changes no-one sees.
To tell the truth, I’d stopped watching WWE when this was going on. I was too fucked off with things that they’d done that I missed BRyan’s rise. I’d seen him get shafted too many times to continue watching, so seeing this a few years down the line is a bit of a pay-off.
If ever someone deserved it, it’s him. He got over without the machine. You could say in spite of the machine. And FORCED them to put the belt on him. Kudos to him, as well as Randy and big Dave. A great way to close the show.
Summary: With a 4 hour show to fill, the fact there was only 7 matches made you feel short-changed. None of the midcard men’s titles were defended, but the one good thing is that almost all of the matches had enough time to tell their stories. Or try to at least.
Any other outcome for the main-event than D-Bryan winning the title would’ve resulted in a riot. He was the hottest thing going on that year, and deserved his moment.
I loved that there was a psychology to three of the main four matches, and they were able to tell a story. The 6 men involved in those matches all deserve credit. They conveyed what they were trying to effortlessly and that’s when wrestling is at its best.
The overriding memory of this show should’ve been Bryan winning the title. But it wasn’t. It was Brock Lesnar ending the Streak.
Immediately after this Mania, Tybo and I almost had an argument with L-I-L..P-I-P..DJ-AN-O on SLTD Radio. It was 100%, completely and utterly the correct decision – IF the end result was Taker’s retirement and he was going to ride off into the sunset. If they knew it wouldn’t be his last match, WWE should’ve switched their plans and made Lesnar the guy who would not only end the Streak, but retire the Deadman. He’s the only one capable of handling that pressure, and the heat he’d get because of it.
Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed the latest stop on our WrestleMania Rewind tour. Leave your comments/feedback via the usual channels, and join me again tomorrow to revisit WrestleMania 31!
SLTD Wrestling's resident Scottish Nightmare. Some of my content may not be suitable for younger readers or those who are easily offended!
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