Welcome to the latest edition of our WrestleMania Rewind series, written by yours truly, exclusively for everyone here at SLTD Wrestling. The aim of WrestleMania Rewind was to review every WrestleMania in roughly 2,000 words. Click here to read the series so far.
For new readers, I’ll just explain the concept. These rewinds are not designed to be play-by-play “he did this, she did that”. Some points of the matches will be covered. Others won’t. I’ll rarely cover any talking segments, and won’t touch on the kick-off or preview shows. If you want that sort of info, you’ve come to the wrong place.
Today’s journey takes us to WrestleMania 31. Saaaan…Fraaaan…cisco was the host, and just a shade under 77,000 fans crammed into Levis Stadium on March 29, 2015, to take in the latest Showcase of the Immortals.
The commentary team was the same for the third year in a row – Michael Cole’s your storyteller, complemented by J-Bizzle and Jerry Lawler. Let’s start the show!!!
Match 1: Ladder Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship – Daniel Bryan vs Wade Barrett (c) vs Dolph Ziggler vs Stardust vs Luke Harper vs Dean Ambrose
It’s pandemonium. Standard, multi-man ladder match fayre. There are ladders and bodies flying all over the plizz-ace. Stardust even has his own special, glittery ladder! Bless…
I’ll quote my own hand-written notes for this match: “Some insane, risky bumps taken here, especially by Bryan and Ziggler, given their history of concussions. Ambrose is fucking mental.” About sums things up really doesn’t it! Luke Harper was really impressive in the match and sent the aforementioned mentalist – Dean Ambrose – crashing through a bridged ladder on the outside.
Bryan and Ziggler exchange right hands and headbutts atop the ladder with Ziggler losing out as Bryan claims the title.
Opinion: Generally, I’m not a huge fan of multi-person matches where there’s a title involved, but Vince loves to have them and he’s the boss. So whether we like it or not, that’s what’s gonna happen. In terms of the actual action, it was good. All of these workers can go. It was a good way to start the show with the crowd hot for Bryan, as they always are.
Match 2: Seth Rollins vs Randy Orton
Both guys show off their agility and athleticism in the early going. Rollins takes control after J&J Security (remember them!) cause a distraction.
Rollins is such a great, shitbag heel. He hits a springboard moonsault from the middle rope to Orton on the outside. Randy decides on some high-risk action himself and nails a crossbody from the top rope, but Rollins rolls through for a 2. Orton then gets one of his own from the draping DDT, but can’t put Seth away.
They exchange nearfalls with the RKO and Curb Stomp. Just when it looks like nobody’s going to win, Rollins goes for the Curb Stomp again but Orton pops him up and nails him with the best…RKO…ever to pick up the victory. The RKO is so good that it popped Orton!
Opinion: I could watch these guys wrestle all day long. They make it look so easy when the reality is it’s one of the most difficult things to do. Nobody’s hurt by the outcome of the match. They both get something out of it and like I said (in my best Comic Book Guy voice) – best…RKO…ever!!!
Match 3: HHH vs Sting
We get the usual self-indulgent 45-minute entrance from HHH. Or at least that’s what it feels like. Another mid-card match at Mania for the Game-Ah. It’s probably where he’d have spent most of his career had he not been playing hide the sauseeej with the boss’s daughter for most of the last 20 years.
Anyway, before Tybo gets hit with another lawsuit courtesy of my good self, this match is basically a nostalgia fest, written from the WWE’s point of view. DX and the nWo (bizarrely!) get involved. Who wins? H of course. Because we all know WCW was hot garbage and their stars are worthless don’t we?
Opinion: Remember all those years we spent wishing Sting would wrestle in WWE? If we’d have known this was what he would come in and do IN HIS FIRST MATCH, I think we’d all have encouraged him to stay in TNA. Illogical. And the nWo coming to Sting’s aid? He spent most of his run fighting them. Jesus H Christ Vince…
Match 4: AJ Lee & Paige vs The Bella Twins
As the Bellas make their entrance, there’s a shot of AJ and Paige in the ring and they just look like they cannot be bothered with the Bellas in any way, shape or form. I know how they feel.
Long story short? The heels isolate Paige and Nikki gets a 2 count from a Rack Attack. Yes, that’s what her finisher is called. Sigh… Paige makes the hot tag to AJ and the babyfaces win when AJ puts the Black Widow on Nikki.
Opinion: The less said, the better. AJ and Paige were/are great. The Bellas, I have no time for. Let’s hope for better in years to come.
Match 5: WWE United States Championship Match – Rusev (c) vs John Cena
RUSEV…MACHKA!!! God, I love him. He’s undefeated at this point. But the question is, will that streak remain intact once he’s gone mano-a-mano with WWE’s resident shovel merchant? We’ll see.
I may, or may not, have stood for the Russian national anthem. And/or lost my shit when he came out with a tank. A tank. A war machine! Boss tha… There’s nuclear heat on Rusev. I mean nuclear. Damn those racist ‘Muricans.
It’s a strangely competitive back and forth match with both men having control for periods of it. Rusev gets a nearfall from a top rope headbutt. Cena gets one of his own from what looked like some kind of springboard Stunner.
He obviously fights out of the Accolade. Lana tries to interfere for Rusev but there’s a malfunction at the junction and Cena picks up the win with the AA.
Opinion: It never fails to amaze me. Just when WWE spend a year building someone up as a credible heel, in this case, big Rusev, they only do it to feed him to Cena. Would losing have affected Cena in any way? No. Not at all. It always affects the other guy cos no matter who else they beat, they can’t beat the top guy. Or have him as vulnerable. Guess it just wasn’t Rusev’s daaayyy…
Match 6: Bray Wyatt vs The Undertaker
There’s something less special about Taker’s entrance when it’s daylight. Ah well. This should be good. Two very creepy barstewards going at it.
Taker’s all over Wyatt early. That is until Wyatt avoids a big boot to land a huge crossbody. Wyatt’s on top now and gets a couple of nearfalls from his signature spots. Taker counters Sister Abigail with a chokeslam and nails a huge Tombstone, but Bray kicks out. Wyatt then counters a second Tombstone into Sister Abigail for a nearfall of his own. Taker avoids a second Sister Abigail and lands a second Tombstone to pick up the win.
Opinion: I mean it was fine. Just fine. Fine. It felt a little lacklustre because, during the build, Taker didn’t appear on RAW, which would really have helped put Bray over as a threat. To be honest, it just felt like a way for Taker to get a win at Mania after the Streak had been broken last year. And that’s a shame. Because Bray’s worth more than that.
Match 7: WWE Championship Match – Brock Lesnar (c) vs Roman Reigns
Lesnar hits the F5 after about 30 seconds and proceeds to just fuck with Roman. Why you ask? Well, my friends, it’s all because Roman made Brock bleed his own blood! Reigns just keeps laughing, which pisses Brock off and Reigns gets taken to Suplex City.
Lesnar is completely dominant. But about eight German Suplexes and another F5 later, Reigns is still going. He hasn’t succumbed. He gets a third F5 but kicks out. Roman gets back into it by shoving Brock into a ringpost and there’s more claret spilled. Just as it looks like Roman’s closing in on the win… here comes Seth Rollins to cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase! The crowd is going absolutely nuts!!
Rollins knocks Roman out of the ring and hits a Curb Stomp on Lesnar. He goes for a second, only for Lesnar to get him in position for the F5. Who’s this? His ex-buddy Roman steps in and spears Lesnar. Rollins hits the Curb Stomp on Roman to win the WWE Championship!
Opinion: I loved all of this. All of it. Lesnar’s dominance. Roman’s never-say-die attitude. And SETH…FREAKIN…ROLLINS cashing in his briefcase. Nobody except me would’ve been happy to see Lesnar or Reigns win, but WWE had an out with Rollins and they used it to their full advantage. Wonderful, wonderful stuff.
Summary: Once again, similar to last year, it’s easy to feel short-changed when you only get 7 matches on a 4-hour show. However, at least this year, the men’s singles midcard titles were defended, so that’s progress at least. In stark contrast to the previous year, there was a distinct lack of psychology overall. It’s such a simple thing to include, but for some reason, WWE goes through peaks and troughs with this. Maybe next year will be different.
The main thing to take away from this year’s Mania was that it was more about moments than spectacular matches – Bryan winning the IC strap, Rollins taking the world’s greatest RKO and then being the first man to ever cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase at WrestleMania.
Prior to the show, expectations were low. And so they should’ve been. The build was very, very lukewarm. But leaving the show, Bryan was the IC Champ. Rollins was the WWE Champ. We got to see Sting in the WWE and were excited at the possibilities going forward.
There are only really two contenders for “Match of the Night” – Rollins/Orton or Lesnar/Reigns. The rest were good, not great. My vote would go to Rollins/Orton in terms of quality, but if you’re solely basing it on the story that was told, it’d probably go to Lesnar/Reigns. Neither is wrong. I’ll leave it to you to decide.
Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed the latest stop on our WrestleMania Rewind tour. Leave your comments/feedback via the usual channels, and join me again tomorrow to revisit WrestleMania 32!
SLTD Wrestling's resident Scottish Nightmare. Some of my content may not be suitable for younger readers or those who are easily offended!
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