Welcome to the latest edition of our WrestleMania Rewind series, written by yours truly, exclusively for everyone here at SLTD Wrestling. The aim of WrestleMania Rewind was to review every WrestleMania in roughly 2,000 words. Click here to read the series so far.
For new readers, I’ll just explain the concept. These rewinds are not designed to be play-by-play “he did this, she did that”. Some points of the matches will be covered. Others won’t. I’ll rarely cover any talking segments, and won’t touch on the kick-off or preview shows. If you want that sort of info, you’ve come to the wrong place.
Today’s stop on the road to WrestleMania takes us to the AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas. We’re all part of the 101,763 fans (not all paid) who piled into the stadium on April 3rd, 2016 to enjoy WWE’s annual extravaganza. Michael Cole, JBL and Byron Saxton called the action. There are nine salivating matches for us to devour today, so enough with the intro, let’s get to the curtain jerker!
Match 1: Ladder Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship – Zack Ryder vs Kevin Owens (c) vs Sami Zayn vs Dolph Ziggler vs Stardust vs The Miz vs Sin Cara
A babyface pop for the biggest heel in the company (Kevin Owens!) Stardust has a spotty ladder this year. Yay!!
This has become the standard Mania opener. It’s formulaic, multi-man match. Owens and Zayn go at it at various stages during the match. Zayn takes a crazy back bump on a ladder before electrifying the crowd. First, he somersaults through a ladder wiping most of the others out. Then, he lands that amazing turnbuckle tornado DDT on KO!
Several guys cost each other the belt before Zack Ryder of all people captures the belt after shoving Miz off the ladder.
Opinion: Whilst I don’t like these multi-man title matches, I know why they’re there now. It’s to hype the crowd and gets them into the show. The problem comes with some of the workers not being over enough to be in there. We could’ve had a 4-way with Owens, Zayn, Miz and Ziggler and it would’ve been just as effective. Anyway, an exciting enough start for the mammoth crowd.
Match 2: Chris Jericho vs AJ Styles
Two of the greatest of all-time 1-on-1 at Mania? There’s away to be a substantial accident in the front of my trousers!!!
I like to think I’m articulate, if aggressive and sweary, man. But any words I write wouldn’t do this match justice. It was clearly “Match of the Night”. Hell, it was a Match of the Year contender for me. If you’ve never seen this, do yourselves a favour, my friends. Go to Daily Motion, the WWE Network or YouTube and find this match. It’s an outstanding pro-wrestling match. Sit back, relax and drink it in…maaaaaaaaaaannnnn.
Jericho wins but when the match is between two guys this good, who cares?! We all win!
Match 3: League of Nations vs The New Day
What’s this? A match involving the tag champs and the belts aren’t on the line? I call shullbit! (Think about it…) Are the League of Nations affiliated with the United Colours of Benetton? Answers on a postcard, please!
Usually, New Day has the numbers game to help them, but not this time. The United Colours of Nations pick up the win thanks to a distraction from Wade Barrett and Brogue Kick from Sheamus to Woodsy.
Post-match, Foley, Michaels and Austin come out to pop the crowd and whoop the heels.
Opinion: A pointless, throwaway match designed to do one thing – pop the crowd when the legends beat up the heels. I hate this.
Match 4: Street Fight – Dean Ambrose vs Brock Lesnar
What kind of absolute lunatic would choose to fight Brock Lesnar in a Street Fight? Dean Ambrose, that’s who! It’s like a wee terrier squaring up to a Rottweiler.
Obviously, Lesnar’s physically dominant so Ambrose uses weapons. Simple, but effective. However, I’ve got the feeling that the only weapon that could take Lesnar out would be a nuclear warhead. And even then, it’d be a close call. Deano gives it his best, but Lesnar, unsurprisingly, comes out on top as your winner.
Opinion: These types of matches I’m fine with. If one guy is substantially smaller than the other, this gimmick almost equals things out. Lesnar’s strong, but Ambrose doesn’t look like a total pussy in defeat. He got some offense in, and hopefully, he’ll continue to be a star going forward. Lesnar’s Lesnar isn’t he? He’s just boss. A fighter. Not a wrestler. Remember that folks!
Match 5: Triple-Threat Match for the WWE Women’s Championship – Charlotte Flair vs Becky Lynch vs Sasha Banks
What’s this? The women getting an actual match at WrestleMania?! Wonders will never cease? What’s that? It’s because Stephanie McMahon invented the women’s evo/revolution? Ah. I see…
All three exchange rollups early and the action’s a bit chaotic, spilling outside. Charlotte gets a 2-count on Becky courtesy of a Rude Awakening from the top rope. Sasha breaks up a figure-4 on Becky with a top rope Frog Splash for 2. Becky’s the most impressive of the three and she’s heavily involved in everything. The glue that’s putting the match together. She also wipes out the Naitch at ringside. Wooooooo!
Charlotte lands a top rope moonsault to the outside on Becky and Sasha, before picking up the win via submission when Becky taps to the figure-8.
Opinion: This was…outstanding. Absolutely fantastic. We all know how good Charlotte is. There’s something missing from Sasha for me. But Becky Lynch was amazing. What a performance. She kept things ticking along and she really shone. I hoped she’d win, but it wasn’t to be this time around. What a difference it makes when the women are given time to tell a story, and they’re capable of putting it together. Can’t speak highly enough of it. Kudos ladies!
Match 6: Hell in a Cell – Shane McMahon vs The Undertaker
The storyline leading into this made absolutely no sense. Why was the Undertaker designated to be Mr.McMahon’s hired goon? Never explained. Should’ve been. But as WWE fans, we all know that sometimes, we need to leave our brains at the door…
The match itself was a spectacle more than a mat classic. We all know there’s a Shane-O-Mac stunt in this type of match because, well, he’s a crazy mofo. And an incredible performer when you consider it’s not his “day job”.
This is basically a fight. Shane gets battered for the vast majority of the early going, including being on the receiving end of a chokeslam and a Last Ride. Taker brings the steps into play. Shane avoids an elbow, then suckers Taker in and gets a nearfall from a DDT on the steps. Shane’s on top now and delivers a coast-to-coast dropkick.
It’s stunt time. The cell gets burst open. Shane gets Taker down and makes a suicide leap off the top of the cell, but misses! Taker picks up the win with a Tombstone.
Opinion: Like I said. Not a mat classic. And the storyline didn’t make sense. But, the match delivered. Taker’s getting a bit old for this crap now so hopefully, that’s the last we’ll see of him in this type of match. Shane’s tremendous. And he may be a contender for lunatic of the night.
Match 7: Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
AKA – the jobber battle royal. You’ll see what I mean when I tell you the final 4. There’s a random DDP sighting, as well as Shaq and Tatanka.
The final 4 are Kane, Darren Young, Bo Dallas and Baron Corbin. Kane eliminates Darren Young and Bo Dallas before he gets thrown out by Corbin.
Opinion: Yet another multi-man match. Jeebus knows how I love these. I actually have no issue with battle royals. As long as the winner gets a push and it leads to something. If it’s just to get guys on the show, bring us a few backstage skits with legends.
Match 8: Erick Rowan vs The Rock
There’s some Rock promo in the ring where he announces the new “record” crowd. Typical Rock shtick ensues before the Wyatts interrupt. There’s some back and forth with the Rock and Bray, which leads to a match between Rock and Rowan.
As for the match? Rock wins in about 6 seconds with the Rock Bottom.
Opinion: Rock on the show is always good and his back and forth with Bray was really entertaining. The match continued the year-long jobbing out of the Wyatts so I have issues with that. But…it’s The Rock. The jabroni-beating… pie-eating… (you know the rest).
Match 9: WWE Championship Match – HHH (c) vs Roman Reigns
Another egotistical entrance from a man who can’t handle the fact that he’s not as respected, or loved, by the fans as his peers – Rock, Austin, Foley etc. – are. Still, it’s nice to see Chyna’s ring gear getting an outing. Looks like that’s not the only sloppy seconds Steph’s had from her! Aaaaaanyway…
The match itself? It’s fine. Serviceable. Just OK. It doesn’t feel like “a big match”. H treats Roman like a young boy. Disrespectfully. Like a bitch to be honest. The focus of the early part is H trying to break Roman’s face, just because Roman’s a handsome son-of-a-bitch. Roman starts to turn the tide with a Samoan Drop for a 2-count.
There’s a lot of brawling outside, including Roman spearing H through the barricade outside. Towards the back end of the match, H starts working Roman’s arm but Roman gets a nearfall from a Spear. Chyna 2.0, umm.. I mean Stephanie, gets involved and gets Speared. Bet that’s not the first time that’s happened! H almost pulls off the win with a Pedigree but Roman kicks out.
He grabs his trusty old sledgehammer but before he can use it, Roman nails him with a couple of Superman punches and a Spear to win the title!
Opinion: Bear with me. I need to get this off my chest. The problem with HHH matches at WrestleMania is that they rarely, if ever, deliver. They’re too long. It’s more of a “look at what I can do” project, as opposed to what it should be – a collaboration. Aside from the trio of matches with Taker, he hasn’t had that DEFINITIVE match – especially not with guys he’s tried to make – like Orton, Batista, Jericho, Bryan etc.
He tries to have scientific matches when the cold, hard fact of the matter is that he’s just not good enough to do that. HBK was. HHH isn’t.
Roman needed to win here. He deserved to win. He doesn’t deserve the crap he gets. Are his promos money? No. Not most of the time. But his matches almost always deliver, regardless of who he’s working. When The Shield came in, everyone wanted Roman to be the guy. As soon as Vince decided he was, some fans decided “f**k you I won’t do what you tell me”. Reigns deserved his moment. He earned it. Believe that.
Summary: Most, if not all, of the big matches, delivered. There was psychology in some, which was good. Memorable moments were created – hey Zack Ryder! The women were showcased in a way they’ve deserved to be for such a long time. The Undertaker and Shane were terrific, despite the story making little to no sense.
Some people might be pissed that AJ Styles didn’t win on his WrestleMania debut, but guess what people? AJ STYLES IS IN THE WWE! He’ll have years ahead of him to create stellar WrestleMania moments and to be honest, he might be this generation’s, Shawn Michaels. Think about that!
As far as Match of the Night, it has to be the Women’s Championship Match. It’s a real breakout moment for a division that’s really struggled in recent years and now’s the time for the WWE to keep it going. Create characters and compelling storylines for these excellent workers.
Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed the latest stop on our WrestleMania Rewind tour. Leave your comments/feedback via the usual channels, and join me again tomorrow to revisit WrestleMania 33!
SLTD Wrestling's resident Scottish Nightmare. Some of my content may not be suitable for younger readers or those who are easily offended!
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